Dear Google Recruiting...We dated briefly in 2006. You flew me down to visit you in Mountain View, and I had a good time. A few weeks later you proposed to me, but I decided that you weren't really what I was looking for, and I rejected you. I know it's hard to accept, but I really think it's time you moved on.
In October 2007, you wrote to me asking if I'd reconsider; I talked to one of my friends who works for you, and he talked to one of his friends in recruiting, who put "DO NOT CONTACT" on my file. I hoped that would be clear, but apparently not. In December 2009, you wrote to me again, and when I asked if you noticed the "DO NOT CONTACT", you replied that it was in the system, but since it had been two years, you decided to ignore it. In May 2010, you wrote to me again. I replied by asking you to change the "DO NOT CONTACT" to "DO NOT CONTACT ON PAIN OF DEATH".
That seemed to work for a while, but in February 2013 you wrote to me again and (when I asked) claimed that the "DO NOT CONTACT" was not in your system, but said that you would update your records. In September 2013, I met two of your employees at EuroBSDCon, and they pulled up my file and confirmed that I had a clear "DO NOT CONTACT" on my file (the "ON PAIN OF DEATH" seemed to have never gotten recorded), and told me that anyone ignoring this could be fired because the last thing you want to do is annoy good developers.
In November 2013, I was contacted via LinkedIn. When I ignored the message, I received another one the following month from the same recruiter, which I also ignored. And now a second recruiter has contacted me on LinkedIn.
You're a great company. I use a lot of your services. A lot of my friends work for you. But I don't want to. I found(ed) a very nice company which I work for, and nothing you say is going to make me leave it in order to be with you. So please, it's time to move on and find someone else. It's getting a bit creepy, and I don't want to have to get a restraining order.
Normally I don't publish anything publicly about private communications I have received, but this seems like a special case. The following recruiters contacted me via email or LinkedIn after the initial "DO NOT CONTACT" was placed on my file: Tara Nowroozi, Marcus Walton, Emily Mao, Chris Tessmann, Hannah Schuessler.
EDIT: A number of people are misinterpreting this post as "bragging" about being in "high demand". It isn't. If I thought this I was remotely unusual in having repeated contacts from Google, I wouldn't have posted this; to the contrary, saying the words "Google recruiters" at any of the conferences I attend inevitably provokes developers to rant about how they keep on getting emails — with the stories evenly split between "I keep on telling them I don't want to work for Google" and "I've interviewed several times, never gotten a job offer, and now it just feels like they're taunting me". This isn't about me; it's about Google recruiting being out of control in their "sourcing" efforts.